


In Which Karkat Discovers He's A Hopeless Romantic

by ironiccowboykink (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: #the quality of my work fluctuates, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Anxiety Attacks, F/F, I dont really know, I keep forgetting what I'm going to say before I'm going to say it, M/M, Multi, Sober Roxy Lalonde, Social Anxiety, davekat - Freeform, dirk's ooc, dont want to say much in the tags, im sorry, like a lot lmfao, oh yeah, probably lots of makeouts, slight nsfw, uh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 09:05:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6148516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ironiccowboykink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Damn it, you hate your job, but you love the pay. Roxy pays you better than anybody else, despite the fact your social skills are not up to par, or the fact that you don't particularly like anybody except for a close few. But the season of love is closing in, and damn if you don't feel lonely. You can only hope someone will sweep you off your feet before you go insane.</p><p>This is really a loose collection of stories that all (like I said, loosely) correlate with each other. It follows Karkat and all his Dave interactions. If anything is unclear I might make an epilogue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sburbanite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sburbanite/gifts).



> I'll try to make the next chapter better, promise.

You don't know why you expected something different today. This is the same kid that showed up out of the blue a couple months ago, and he really keeps you on your toes. Shades McDouche kept coming every day, same time, same drink. Seeing his stupid shades makes you feel queasy, but then again, who doesn't? Feeling that way makes you wonder how you landed this job, with your- *cough* _disorder_ , but you guess you're just lucky. Suddenly, there's a _not_ -so-subtle cough from the coffee shop's kitchen, and you turn, only to see Roxy wiggling her eyebrows in the most stupid way. You're kind of weirded out by her- part of her tragic backstory entails locking a man she fancied in the coffee shop and singing him a song- but the lady's your boss. Gotta respect the higher-ups. Anyhow, the look is almost more stupid than Douchebag Ultimate walking up to the counter. It finishes the Stupidity Race as a close second, though.

Sneering at Roxy and throwing an equally subtle middle finger (if there was a contest in terms of subtlety, you would take the trophy and the judges home), and turn to face your worst enemy- or customer, rather.

_Dave Strider._ Usually you can handle the guy, but perhaps fate had different plans.

He has a smirk on his face (god _damnit_ , you haven't even started this idiotic game you two seem to play and the fucker looks like he's already won) and is leaning amiably on your counter. _Let's get this over with._

"Welcome to Lalonde's, what would you like today?" Dave throws you a wink- at least, you think- and orders some froofroo sugary drink you wouldn't dare consume. But you can't insult customers- not to their face- so you smile as best you can and hurry and make the drink before this guy makes a scene. Roxy wouldn't fire you if you upset him (the poor lady has a heart of gold), but she would put you on toilet duty. You shudder at the idea, and suddenly the shades-dude opens his mouth. "What're you thinking about over there, Karkitten?"

Ignoring his question, feeling your frustration build, you reply, "Congratulations.What was that, 7, 8 words? And you already managed to piss me off." Roxy shoves you (when did she leave the kitchen?) and you nearly spill Dave's drink. You growl at her, and at him, and set the now finished diabetes-in-a-cup on the counter. "Would you like a receipt?" You ask, watching him dig through his wallet. He shakes his head, hands you the money, and you give him his change. "Have a nice day, sir," you say, which elicits a low chuckle from the blonde. "Shouldn't we save names like those for later?" His voice is low and hushed, accompanied by an exaggerated "search" for people who might overhear. "No, we shouldn't. What I should do is go to hell," you indicate to the flighty broad behind you with your thumb, and continue, "but I'm all out of vacation days." At some vaguely sexual response, your brows knit together, and you begin to reply with something angry, but your boss, the blonde dimwit with pink streaks and a leaning against a cake rack, beats you to it. "Sooooo Karkat," she laughs, eyes bright. "Who's your friend here? He's pretty cuuute," Roxy winks and a flare goes off deep inside your belly. It's a sign to leave before things get to serious- now would be the best time to defend yourself- but your words are a spluttering mess, all stutters and clacking teeth. "What-? Roxy, woah wait- I'm not- Roxy, _stop_ , this guy isn't- we are-"

"Are completely in love, you are right." Dave tilts his shades down, but you still can't catch a glimpse of his eyes. The flare spikes again, red hot and dangerous, and all you can feel is the urge to _run._ When did the room seem so _small?_ He smiles at you, a hand tilting your chin up, bringing his lips ever closer to yours. Your breathing hitches and your knees knock together. Is this regulation??? A terrible knot twists in your belly and you feel like you're being choked. You throw Roxy a pained glance, squirming in Dave's grasp, shutting your eyes. Flashes of scenes you wish you didn't remember burn the insides of your eye lids. Your boss doesn't seem to get the hint early enough, and before anyone can react, you've shoved the customer off you and left the building. He was too close, it's too soon, Roxy should have _known_ -

You stop and sigh and sit, the burning in your legs causing you to fidget as you attempt to steady your breathing. You feel ashamed for panicking like that, but you don't feel bad for pushing the guy. However, you don't think you could manage to go back to work. Ears flattened, face burning, and hands shaking, you whip out your phone and call for help.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Survive.

All you plan to do today is survive.

Survival of the fittest. Various other phrases that have variations of "survive" and relate to this situation somewhat.

The clock is ticking steadily, but all you can hear is the staccato beat of your heart. A pang runs through you that you can only describe as _pure anxiety feasting on your flesh_. It's fine though. No big deal. The sound of the clock increases with the frequency of you checking it. 

4:10. 

4:11. 

You feel pathetic for keeping track. 

4:12. 

You feel sick. 

4:13. 

A hand touches your shoulder and you visibly tense, palming your sweaty hands on your shirt. "Karkat," comes a voice you should know well but can't seem to place. 

"Yes?" you reply anyway. 

"Take a-" The doorbell tinkles softly, indicating the arrival of your favorite coolkid. "break," finished the voice, and you sickly wave it off. God, do you want to leave, but you don't matter, and inconveniencing someone else would make you feel worse. "I got it." You fear you don't sound firm enough until the hand slips off your shoulder. Relief twists a fiery dance in your body along with fear upon the sight of the shaded monstrosity- you mean customer - in front of you. He looks concerned. Fuck his concern. 

Gritting your teeth in a way you hope isn't nearing animalistic nor friendly, you say, "The usual?" 

The _look_ , the dead one, is back and you take that as a yes. Any excuse to turn away is- 

Dear God, he's touching you.You fight back the urge to scream, but you must look panicked anyway when you look at him because he snatches his hand back so fast you must be lava. The Land of Heat and Haze. The Land of Pulse and... and... 

It occurs to you that he might have just heard your very audible swallow. That's embarrassing. You're embarrassing. Jesus Christ. Can't you do anything right? 

__"What do you need sir?"_ _

You can barely tell behind his shades but his gaze shifts behind you. To Roxy. If she looks concerned, God _damn it,_ do _NOT_ look concerned, oh my God she looks concerned. You are done. You are so done. 

____Roxy has you by the shoulders and you can now tell that you have taken the human form of a vibrator. That's a gross comparison but whatever. You push Roxy away, smile, and tell her you're leaving. "Please don't stop me." You add. Be polite. If she hates you you might as well throw yourself into the sea._ _ _ _

____Dave trails you and you walk faster and faster until you're sprinting from your own shadows and your problems. Which happen to be him._ _ _ _

You are at your house and fumbling with the keys. Every step is magnified in your alien ears but you can't tell who's walking _damn it pick up the keys._

He's behind you and there is nothing you can do. 

Wait, yes! God yes!!!! You put the key in the lock and twist it and yes yes yes yes yes. You are INSIDE, and he is OUT, and there is nothing to bother you. Thank God. Thank everyone. Thank the flower girl down the street. Thank everyone. Thank the key gods for being merciful.

You slump down and sigh. Another day, another avoiding Strider. If you get anymore skittish, you're going to become the damn Pokemon.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave, psychic ghost girls, and bubble fish heiresses are deadly combos.

"Karkat, I'm not crazy," says Aradia, frowning at you, which only further instills your idea that she's batshit insane. It's a wonderful way to begin your day, you suppose, but as long as they pay...

"Yeah, okay. What are you gonna order?"

"Aww, Karcrab, don't be so abrasive!" Giggles Feferi. She slugs your shoulder and is surprisingly strong for her sugar and spice self.

"Order, please," is your impatient reply. "you're holding up the line." There is no line. They both know it, but Feferi looks back to be sure. Your mouth twitches in a semblance of a smile.

Once they've all gone and paid, and Roxy chats with them for what feels like a billion years, Dave comes in. He shoots Feferi a smile and nods at Aradia, who grins back in a way you can only call disturbing. Dave looks rather calm today, which you suppose is nice. Before he even steps up you've already begun rigging up the usual- and it never occurs to you as odd that you've recognized his order, but the way Roxy is looking at you is- and he's fished out exactly enough money to pay; it's down to the very last cent, and looks like the best possible way to pay, if that could even be a thing.. Your eyebrows rise in a way you hope is almost imperceptible, but you've never been good at hiding anything.

"Surprised, Karkat?" 

"About?" It's no use to be dodgy. "There's no reason to answer that. Don't say anything." He seems to smile, too, but it's gone before you notice.

Dave is just standing there.

...

What the fuck.

You check your invisible watch. "Better get going, timekeeper. I'm sure you have more important things to do than just stand and stare at me."

He shrugs dismissively. "I have my day planned to the letter, Karkles. I know exactly how long something will take and I've permitted myself exactly 5.47 minutes to waste here." 

"Bullshit."

As if he were waiting for this, he whips out some giant calendar (what) and slams it on the table. "Read it and weep, babe."

You never even get to say "Don't call me that," before you instantly shut your gaping seedflap in pure awe. There are no words anymore. There could never BE words. 

Dave looks triumphant and Aradia and Feferi have wandered over. "What's that? A timetable?" Aradia seems more interested than Feferi is, but one glance shows Aradia has a tight grip on Feferi's hand and does not seem inclined to let go. She lets out a halfhearted "very interesting, Dave," every once and a while and does not seem bothered when it's blatant she's not listening. Aradia smiles anyway and says something around "she's listening, she always does," and they eventually stream off into some of their magic shows you bear no interest in.

Things were going fine until Aradia and Feferi ask, "So how's your love life, Karkat?"

Holy shit, so many chills just ran down your spine. "Wow, uh. Creepy much?" Feferi looks a little weirded out but Aradia grins. "It would have happened anyway. Temporal inevitability is a tricky thing."

"Temporal what? Okay, whatever, doesn't matter. To answer your question, none of your business."

Feferi pouts, and for a second, you can see why Aradia likes her so much. Cotton candy hair and sun-tanned skin. Nearly pink eyes and a winning smile. But she's not your type. 

"Don't pull that bull with me Feferi. Why are you suddenly interested?"

"We need to be," Aradia interrupts, and your gaze flickers to Dave, who, even through the shades, looks freaked out.

"What?"

"It'll all be clear soon, Karkat." Another creepy grin.

"Wait, are you two lesbians?"

Everybody, and you mean _everybody, __turns to Dave when he says this._

"Out of literally everything that you could have derived from this, you are just now catching up on the fact that these two are in lesbians with each other?" You say hotly, hand on your hip. "Are you really that slow on the uptake, Dave?" 

"Uh." He says dumbly, scratching the back of his neck. "No, I'm pretty much with it, but-" 

"Are you, Dave?" You and Aradia shoot back, and you choose to ignore the creepy look on her face. 

"No, no, I get it, the lesbian ladies are being nosy, and you're crabby (Feferi giggled.) as usual, but like.. When? Can I watch lesbian lady makeouts?" 

There is a groan because Aradia kicked his knee and a shriek from Feferi because of it. You are completely at a loss and Roxy, thankfully, saves everyone's ass by escorting the trio out the door. Dave is dramatic about it, and Aradia has already dragged Feferi out, saying "Roxy's going to make us leave. See you Karkat!" so you just focus on Dave's shenanigans. 

"I need... true love's kiss!" He collapses on the floor and motions feebly towards you. sending a pang through your stomach. "I'm good," is your oh-so-eloquent reply, and Dave simply clings to your feet. Half-heartedly, you blow him a kiss, nervously looking around the store. Dave is not satisfied by this, however, and groans even louder, and you shush his desperately. "Please stop!" You whisper, laughing all the same, bending near him and simultaneously push Dave away. 

He seems to get the hint from the get-go (thank God) and mutters that you're no fun. He blows you a kiss, a lot more enthusiastic (but somehow he makes it look strictly heterosexual and handsome) than you were, and bows as he's leaving. 

_So._

Today was definitely eventful. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Jegus,
> 
> FUCKING SAVE ME.

_Lord Jegus almighty impaled on a black dick, save me,_ you scream to no one but the voices in your head. By no small miracle, you manage to keep your face straight (though you aren't) and lips sealed.

Surprisingly, you've kept yourself quiet, despite your tendency to make loud and rude outbursts. But considering the fact that you, for some reason, find yourself in actual Dave Strider's actual house, sitting on his actual couch, you find that maybe now is not the right time to make a loud and rude outburst, _especially_ considering how you're being fucking stared down right now. After Aradia and Feferi and the weird timetable thing at the coffee shop, he came back in and showed you a slot where you could fit in. Half out of desire to be with him, and half out of pressure, you said yes. Also, it's very very very hard for you to act natural while anime shades over there stares holes in your damn head. You looked at him once, to just break the ice burg in front of you two that sank the Titanic, which should be normal, yes? 

No. _Hell no._

No, no, he had the fuckign anime _glare_ where his stupid shades glinted in the damn light and you just sweat bullets. He stared you half to hell, and he was hot while he did it too. Is everyone Dave related to aesthetically pleasing? You gulp, internally screaming, but sigh and slump against his couch. You also keep your arms closed. Just in case. 

Where is Dave, god damnit? 

"Hey," says the mysterious weeaboo in the corner and ohhh god, he means _you._

"Yeah?" Thank goodness, your voice does not betray you. Your heart, however? It's threatening to jump out your chest right now. 

"Do you want a drink?" He's already getting up and while you really, really need water, you decline. You would rather not be a nuisance. 

He returns with water anyway and you gratefully sip it as civilized as you can be. Dave returns not to long after, and you nearly melt in relief. "Want to play some video games?" He asks, and you groan. Internally and externally. 

"I'm literal shit at video games, okay? You can't judge me." 

"I guess we'll just have to make you better," came the voice from Dave's brother. "we don't accept losers in this house." 

This is your cue to leave, so you stand, and brush off your jeans. "Well see ya Dave, there's no way I'll win." You chuckle so they know it's a joke. 

Both Striders drag you back down and _damn it dave is touching you, anime man is touching you, you are n ot w o r t h y_

You shiver when Dave's hand brushes yours, but sit back down, and pick up the controller. 

You fail expertly. Dirk, as you learn to be, kicks you out. Dave promises to call you.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holy moTHER OF ACTUAL FUCK
> 
> I thought I'd just clarify this but the passage of time between each chapter is about a week. Of course, Dave still comes in everyday for his coffee, things just aren't that eventful.

You are literally back. In the house. Of the fucknging asshat dickspit Dave and Dirk Strider. The latter makes you want to die. The former also makes you want to die. In fact, YOU LITERALLY WANT TO STOP BREATHING RIGHT NOW. 

...Not that you were breathing much in the first place.

You are stuck in between both of them, sweaty and vibrating and also anxious. You feel as if you're drowning in blonde boys with ebony skin. You love them but you don't know when you came to love them- probably when you spent all your time wondering who the Scary Douchenozzle™ and the Invading Asscactus™ were without the shades. 

This is nerve-wracking, you can fully admit. The two blonde beauties (how many horrid alliterations can you come up with?) are playing some video game you've never heard of and aren't incredibly interested in. The cars are ridiculous and they're on some headache inducing rainbow road. 

The graphics are beautiful though.

Dave leans to his left, and you (hardly) suppress a squeak- he is touching you and you sincerely, 100%, fully regret wearing a short sleeve shirt today. Nothing ever plays out in your favor. Let's die tonight. You are already making plans to throw yourself into space and the nearest black hole because this is horrid. You're horrid. You have goosebumps and probably feel weird and- and-

You breathe once more when Dirk leans into you too, except it's a gasp and you are decidedly comfortable with two gorgeous glorified geeks (#2) touching you. You are okay, a little less not okay than last time, if that makes sense. Whatever, _whatever, _let's just stay here.__

Suddenly, it occurs to you they might need space. That's why they're leaning, right? Your face flushed with embarrassment as you quietly slip off the couch, ears flat and hot with the blood rushing to the surface. You're ashamed for inconveniencing them and start to make an excuse to leave when Dave says: "Karkat, what are you doing?" 

"Um.. I just sort of... You were leaning and I thought maybe you'd need space.. I don't know.. I don't know..Sorry..." Your voice gets quieter with each second and you feel even more pathetic. 

Instead of saying anything, the two just pat the seat again. (Are they in motherfucking sync? Internally, you groan. It's getting really hot in here.) You didn't see it, but only hear it, and assume that's the signal to sit back up there. Reluctantly, you take your place in the middle of the two boys. 

Things get hot again (like them, _Goddamn! _) and you lick your lips, glancing up at the taller blonde- Dirk. He seems to be interested in only the game, quiet while Dave shouts. Then again, he also wears shades. You feel uncomfortable not knowing where his eyes are, but stare a little longer.__

Then you look at Dave. From this angle, you can get a glimpse of his eyes. They look a brilliant scarlet, like your blood. You swallow thickly and avert your eyes back to the screen. 

"Like what you see?" Comes a cool voice to your left and you audibly shriek. "Wh-what?" 

You can see Dave sneaking a glance at you, but he doesn't say anything. "Stared for a pretty long time there." His accent is thick and he drawls when he speaks. Your face flushes an even deeper red and you think you might just die if he says anything else. 

"No, I was just embarrassed-" you fumble over your words like a sports player. The point of your sentence was the ball and you fucking drop kicked it into the opponent's goal. "Sure." He cuts you off so quickly you _choke, (god that would be lovely) _spluttering and backtracking and blushing so much your entire face and ears are red.__

His voice is hot and _he's gorgeous _and you get up to excuse yourself. "I think I'll see you later, goodbye."__

When you get to the door, Dirk tells you to _stop._

_"Fuck me," _you whisper.__

"Certainly." Is the reply. 

Gog save the innocent.


	6. Chapter 6

You fucking _refuse_ with all of your being to go back to his house. Dave seems genuinely upset, as if he's actually lost something, but you can never see to the douchebag's _eyes._ Those are the windows to the soul; they'll give you the answers. But he won't show them, so as far as you're concerned, he's being insincere.

___But the barnacleface keeps returning. He keeps coming back, at the same time, 4:13, every day, to beg you to come back in his "cool" way. "C'mon, Karkles. Won't you come back? We'll totally let you win this time." (As if that was the problem!) "Dirk says he's sorry." (Okay, sure.) And countless other variations, including a promise to keep the innuendos subtle. Not stop them, keep them subtle. You've rolled your eyes so many times this week you're starting to become afraid you'll lose them; even if tou do, the plus side is not seeing Strider. Unfortunately, you'll be "copping Terezi's style," (her words) Gog forbid._ _ _

____Occasionally he pops in at 12:05. Orders some orange, sour drink and leaves. ...You try not to think too much into it._ _ _ _

____This time, though, he's brought his trump card. Roxy's been taking most of the orders (your first clue something was way fucking off.), and Dave was no where to be seen, though you suspected he was already here. (Or maybe he never left.)_ _ _ _

And then _he_ came in. 

______At first, you couldn't believe how time and space had managed to align this moment to look so positively perfect. The sun was streaming in through the door, but his form was in the way, creating this sickass sillouete. You're no artist but you would have started to doodle it on a spare napkin, if he wasn't already there._ _ _ _ _ _

Your mouth ran _so goddamn dry_ you rivaled the Mojave Desert. In no way were you ready for this. 

________By the time you blinked he was at the counter, dull fingernails tapping a beat; people behind him moved. Unite and Synchronize. It was honestly terrifying, and your heart beat overtime in your chest._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Sudden fingers snapped in front of your face and the realization that you were zoning out hit you like a brick- and you blushed so fast you might as well have caught fire._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Oh- um. I'll take your order- uh - didyouevenaskforanything?- okay, if you would please just- uh. Repeat that? Yes- that would be.. You know, okay- heh - this is embarrasing. It's on the house, um, if you just. Would tell me -"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Stop talking."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________You squeaked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________That earned you a chuckle, and he continued. "I didn't ask for anythin. Just been sayin' your name for about 3 minutes."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"2.47 exactly," Dave supplies. "Give or take a few seconds."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Dirk tipped his shades down, surprising you with the brilliant orange hue. "I simply want to apologize, considering you've been avoiding returning to my place of residence."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"What would make you say that?" Your voice is tiny._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Dave."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________For a moment, you forget what position you're in, and a flash of anger runs through you. "Dickweed."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Exactly," ("Hey!") replies Dirk, pushing his hair back. "Now, I invite you to come over. _Today."_

________"I don't think-"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Let me rephrase; _you're going to come over today."_

________You turn and flash a glance at Roxy, who only titters. Fuck her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Well, since it seems all my free will has been sucked into the void of your shades, of fucking course I'll follow you! Yeah, whatever, it's not as if you made me uncomfortable as hell last time I was there." Keep talking, Karkat. If you be angry you'll scare them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Don't worry. No more sly comments about sloppy makeouts."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________You hiss as your face grows even hotter. "Knock it off, you stoic sack of shit!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Sacks of shit can't be much other than smelly and disgusting rather than stoic."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Congratulations, you've described yourself. I'm not going with you."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________And then Dirk is using his superior height as an intimidation tactic. "I think you are," he says. "I'm not listening to him complain anymore about the short troll who won't follow him like a puppy." His voice dips deeper, lower, and you gulp, ears flicking back. "So I hope I won't have to find other ways to persuade you, Karkat." "Not that it wouldn't be fun."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So.. karkat came over

Karkat is a lot less loud than you thought.

You mean, Dave described him.. pretty okay. Crude language, short, verbose, obviously not human; but he said he was loud and you find that he's rather quiet.

That might just be with you, though. He seems loud enough with Dave, or when he's forgotten you're there. He's also incredibly terrible at hiding his feelings- flirting and frustrating him is very easy, -he's cute, you find it enjoyable. Dave thinks it's the best thing since sliced bread, so you tried to help him out last time- you think that went _very _well.__

__However, the two seem to be so far in the closet they're sucking dick in Narnia. For each other, anyway. A quick rundown on the guy from good ol' Rox' tells you the little alien isn't exactly... quiet about it. Or most things, apparently, since he only gets choked up (haha) when you're around._ _

__You're determined to make him erupt. In more ways than one, if you're lucky._ _

__He's at your place now, sitting awkwardly on the couch. His legs are crossed Indian-Style, and he is rather unabashedly staring at you. It could simply be the fact that he doesn't know you're looking, but you laugh anyway. Karkat averts his gaze._ _

__Dave comes in, practically glowing with joy, (he'd tell you that's gay and hit you) his two favorite people in one room._ _

__"Who's ready to get fucking DESTROYED at cards?"_ _


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know, Karkat has met Dirk more than once. A week passes between each chapter, and Dave did corral his poor friend into more visits. The guy has fallen like a brick;;
> 
> Secondly I have to add more tags since I just CANT resist making shit nsfw even if it's slight thanks sea hitler for the the dirkkat implied bjs nobody asked for

Holy fucking _shit_ did Karkat fucking dominate you two at cards. If it weren't beginner's luck you'd feel slightly embarrassed, aggravated at the most, but the poor guy looks so genuinely distressed you settle for smiling at him.

Dave, on the other hand, is halfway to tears. Again, not like he'd willingly admit it, but he was apparently "so prepared to win" and even made a victory rap for it. Karkat shushes him gently (fuck that is- so cute) and the hysterics eventually calm, deteriorating to angry huffs and puffs.

"Well Karkles gets all the goddamn prizes, now doesn't he?" Your step-brother mutters, and you chuckle at his nickname. 

"Karkles?" The guy visibly _shivers, _and you raise an eyebrow in interest.__

__"Yes... don't call me that."_ _

__You stand, pushing your chair with your legs, remarking that you'll call him whatever you want to and make your way into the next room. Striders Wooing Alien Boy part 2 initiate._ _

__More squeaking chairs and a squeaking Karkat, and pitter patters of feet. You plop down, make Karkat sit next to you and try to casually drape your arm over his shoulders. You hope you look cool because you feel extraordinarily nervous._ _

__Dave follows your impromptu lead (y'all never had a real plan anyway), fiddling with his hair and simultaneously fiddling with the remote. "What do y'all wanna watch?" You drawl, smirking at the small gasp you hear._ _

__Dave has already picked some action movie, so you suppose it was pointless asking, but it wasn't completely worthless._ _

__\-----_ _

__Halfway into the movie. Karkat looks enthralled - enraptured, even - so you decide to break his focus. You'd been impatient for this moment, but reigned in your self control._ _

__Karkat nearly jumped when you leaned in close, nearly kissing the shell of his ear but instead whispering if you could touch his horns. He squirmed a bit before nodding, obviously struggling to stay still. You tried to ignore the uncomfortable look on his face and slowly traced the part where horn and scalp met, scratching gently._ _

__He bit his lip, tilting his head down before back up into your touch. You hope what you'd heard about troll anatomy had been correct- so you continued to touch his horns while gently nibbling his ear, down his neck, back up again. "You can always tell me to stop..."_ _

__His gaze flickered to Dave, back to him, and then Dave, but remained silent... but not before asking Dave to make some popcorn. You hoped you didn't look surprised; why hadn't you thought of a distraction?_ _

__Not wasting a second, you bit into his collarbone, illicting a sharp whine from the troll. Your hand slipped ever lower, lower, lower still..._ _

__Before you did anything, you said, "Karkat, you have to be quiet during movies. Shhhhh..."_ _

__Licking the bite mark, flashstepping away momentarily to close the blinds and submerge the room to full darkness, you carefully unzipped his pants, sucking on the outline of his incredibly wriggly bulge. You wondered how you were going to do this quietly..._ _

__Karkat yelped suddenly, jerking upward at the sudden weight dropped beside him..._ _

__which just so happened to be Dave._ _

__"Here's your popcorn, Vantas."_ _

__"Thanks," he said, his voice rather weak, even for him. "This is going to be a fun night."_ _


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there will probably be 10 or 12 chapters, maybe 14 at the most as I add in a ''woah shoot dave" kind of scene and then wrap things up

Dirk is going to be the death of you.

This is sooo dangerous, and exciting, but also dangerous did you mention dangerous _oh my god- ___

You can't even eat the stupid popcorn you asked for, because you're trying not to trill embarrassingly, or, even worse, _purr- _for the love of all things saintly and holy, you're going to troll hell. Dirk grazes you with his teeth and _holy hell you can see stars.___

"Hey Vantas, I know the movie is totally great an' excitin', but stop fidgetin'." Gog you didn't even know you were moving. Dirk chuckles quietly, and you resist the urge to attempt to knee him, though you'd just smush him with your thigh. You shivered at the idea, but then shook your head and tried to focus on _not amazingly, astoundingly blowing your cover. _Minus the wrong word choice. Suddenly Dirk hummed against you, and you could not stop the wild, rogue purr that just. spiked. Fuck you instincts, fuck your purring. Thank everything for Dave running his fingers in your hair and you could blame it on that. The sensation was nearly lost to you as opposed to Dave's brother trying to quietly wrangle your wriggly little bulge out of your zipper- you... you don't wear underwear. Human pants feel uncomfortable against your nook._ _

It took a bit, finally managing to coax it out, and it seems the poor guy was caught off guard by it wrapping itself around his wrist. You nearly yelped, the cool air of the room feeling _heavenly. _Also Dirk too, because it seems human mouths were _blazing hot, _like an actual fire holy shit-____

Unfortunately, sliding off your bulge makes a slurping sound. A very obscene, _loud _slurping sound. Dave moved next to you, and in the small rays of light poking in from the blinds (not enough for the humans to see but enough for you) he was looking rather.. concerned. Nobody had any drinks.. nor did that sound like someone drinking shit from a nearly empty cup.__

"What... what was that?" You looked at Dirk desperately for guidance, but he can't see you, and is also looking nervously at Dave. "Well.. um-" you begin before the lights flicker on, catching both of you completely off guard. Your face is a bright red, Dirk is turning a reddish-brown, a rust color, and so is Dave. It's one big fucking blush fest, except you look a lot less modest with a dick on your lips.


End file.
